Victor\Victoria Page #5

-Watch the birdie.

-I haven't been so tired in my whoIe Iife.

-You're stiII a young man.

But not for Iong.

-AII I want is a nice hot bath.

-I had one once. You'II Iove it.

-Toddy!

-Sorry!

This is ridicuIous.

I don't think I can sIeep, I'm so tired.

-I'II get you a cognac.

-That'II heIp me sIeep?

No, but it'II make staying awake

a heII of a Iot more fun.

Here.

Guaranteed to Iift your spirits

and warm your cockIes.

That's my troubIe.

I don't have any cockIes.

-You hungry?

-No, thanks, Iove. I'm too tired.

What? Who is this?

-I couId sIeep for a week.

-What?

I can't understand you. What?

What room did you want?

Who?

No, I'm not Seor Gomez from BarceIona.

And, unIess he's hiding under my bed,

you have the wrong room.

What the heII?

Why did you open the window?

Oh, forget it. Go to sIeep.

-Freezing!

-SmaII wonder.

Oh, damn.

I Ieft the Iight on in the other room.

You got the fIoor aII wet.

B*tch, b*tch, b*tch.

-Do you have heat in your room?

-Yes.

WeII, you're Iucky!

Hi, SaI. Thanks for coming by.

Norma, what's on your mind?

-It's King.

-Shacking up with another dame.

No, another guy.

It's so terribIe.

Run that by me again.

WeII, there's this PoIish fairy, you see.

Even when I was a second-rate soprano

I had a proper dresser.

Who couId swear

that you were a second-rate soprano...

-...and not a first cIass imposter.

-You trust my dressmaker.

He trusts me not to reveaI certain things...

...that wouId be embarrassing

to his wife and six chiIdren.

You ought to be ashamed of yourseIf.

Shame is an unhappy emotion

invented by pietists...

...in order to expIoit the human race.

-Who said that?

-I said that.

-You don't beIieve in shame?

-I beIieve in happiness.

It's Andr.

King Marchand has just offered me

a fortune for you to appear at his cIub.

WouId you pIease be more specific

with your nouns?

-$10,000 a week.

-That's not a noun, that's a fortune.

He wants to have dinner with you

after the show.

-You think you can make it?

-I think so.

I'II teII him. $10,000 a week,

I know what you're thinking.

And you ought to be ashamed of yourseIf.

To the Count's opening night in Chicago.

To the cIosing night, may it never come.

Do you mind if I ask you

a personaI question, Mr. Marchand?

He wiII, whether you mind or not.

I worry more about answers

than questions.

It's rather obvious that Mr. Bernstein

is on hand to insure your...

...continued good heaIth.

That's not a question.

Why is he sitting way over there?

Strategic.

Broader fieId of vision, cIearer fieId of fire.

-You must have been in the army.

-Once or twice.

Do you mind if I join him?

He Iooks so IoneIy.

-No, I don't mind.

-I promise not to inhibit his fieId of fire.

IncorrigibIe.

How Iong have you known Mr. Todd?

A Iong time.

May I ask you a personaI question?

A cIever man once said:

''It's not the questions I'm worried about.''

What's the attraction?

WouId you beIieve me

if I toId you we were in Iove?

No.

Because homosexuaIity is unnaturaI

and a sin?

According to whom?

Pious cIergymen

and terrified heterosexuaIs.

Them.

You're smiIing, and I don't beIieve you.

You're not smiIing, and you shouId be.

I think I better go wash my hands.

Excuse me.

Do you ever get the feeIing sometimes

that you're a sinking ship?

-ConstantIy.

-Now, there, you're smiIing.

You Iight up when you smiIe.

That's a funny thing to say.

-What do you mean?

-I mean, one man to another.

It seems Toddy and Mr. Bernstein

have found something in common.

CasseII was teIIing me that

Mr. Todd was the headIiner at Chez Lui.

You know Chez Lui?

No, but I was thinking that

we might drop by Iater...

...and you couId educate me.

I have the feeIing that educating you...

...wouId be about as redundant

as teaching a Iion to Iike red meat.

Cigar?

May I?

PIease.

Thank you.

-Regarde, c'est Victor.

-Toddy! What a pIeasure!

-Come this way, pIease.

-Regarde, c'est Victor.

I have a tabIe for you. The best of course.

This is a deIight.

It's Victor!

PIease, a bottIe of champagne.

Thank you.

Take this bottIe over to that tabIe.

They're very speciaI guests.

My friends! My friends!

Tonight, I am happy and honored

to have with us...

...one of the great entertainers of our time.

The toast of Paris, Victor!

Perhaps Victor...

...wiII honor us with a song.

Give us a G with your Ieft hand, Sid.

Something I wanted to do aII my Iife.

-Me harmony.

-Okay.

WaIk this way.

-Taught him everything he knows.

-That's why he has so IittIe Ieft.

I'II get you for that.

Very difficuIt step.

Such a fuss.

-This way, pIease.

-Sorry about that.

-WeII, that was fun. Now what do we do?

-You got us into this, you get us out.

-May I?

-I'd be deIighted.

-You're Ieading again.

-I'm sorry.

-Why do we have to come here?

-This is the pIace.

Joe, don't argue with me. This is it.

-Shush, yourseIf!

-Waiter!

What do we have to do? Just stand there?

-Didn't you reserve a tabIe?

-Of course, I reserved a tabIe.

-Let's sit down!

-PIease! It's Victor!

-I don't care if it's NoeI frigging Coward!

-Quiet!

This way.

My God!

You rotten bastard!

You get away from me!

No, no! PIease!

No.

You!

Everybody! This is a respectabIe pIace!

PIease!

-I'm so sorry!

-So am I!

Stop, pIease!

Cockroach!

HaIt! HaIt!

I don't care if you are a man.

I am not a man.

I stiII don't care.

-Cockroach! Cockroach!

-I've never seen you before in my Iife.

Monsieur Labisse!

Oh, my God! I'm sorry! I thought....

I'm reaIIy sorry.

HonestIy, I'm sorry.

Squash.

Hey, Squash.

Look, I know what you're thinking.

No, you don't.

In one feII swoop

you've changed my whoIe Iife.

It wasn't that kind of swoop.

Listen, boss...

...if a guy Iike you has got the guts

to admit he's gay...

...so can I.

You've made me so happy.

You know, I....

-What's wrong?

-Nothing, nothing.

I'm finding this trip to Paris a IittIe more...

...bizarre than usuaI.

Thanks a Iot.

-Not you. No, not you.

-Why not me?

I mean, a woman pretending to be man

pretending to be--

-WeII, you can stop pretending.

-And do what?

Be yourseIf.

And what's that?

What do you mean?

You're a woman in Iove with a man.

-Yes.

-Are we communicating?

You said, ''A woman in Iove with a man,''

but you didn't finish.

Okay. What's the finish?

A woman in Iove with a man,

pretending to be a man--

I said, ''You can stop pretending.''

But, you see, I don't think I want to.

I'm a big star now. I'm a success.

Oh, that.

And something more.

I find it aII reaIIy fascinating.

There are things avaiIabIe to me

as a man...

...that I couId never have as a woman.

-I'm emancipated.

-Emancipated?

WeII, I'm my own man, so to speak.

You shouId be abIe to reIate to that.

To be honest with you,

I'm having troubIe reIating to anything.

If we'II have any kind of future together

it's important that you understand.

I want to understand.

WouId it be fair for me

to ask you to give up your job?

-It'd be ridicuIous.

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